If you’re not a hater yourself, I bet you’ve known one.
‘Hate’ is a very strong word and it can often make us feel uncomfortable when we read it or hear somebody use it. It’s an even stronger emotion. It’s harmful too! When your heart gets broken, it hurts like hell. That pain that you feel is pretty much unavoidable if you genuinely care about the person who caused it.
You have a choice what happens next though. Are you surprised? I’m guessing you don’t think you have a choice? That you have to sink without trace in the misery of it all? You’re wrong. I’m talking about the hatred that some broken hearted souls fall into. You feed it and keep it burning. I’ve known some people who have fed it for decades. Wow, what a damn waste!
Hating the person who hurt you, well, that’s understandable, to a point. It’s still a really nasty emotion though. Anger is much healthier. Try anger instead. Hating all women or all men or all couples in love, that’s a whole different issue! Do you see how you do that? Do you see how you’ve taken your anger and pain and directed it not at the person who broke you, but at all those of the same gender?
What are you hoping to achieve by choosing to feel this way? Are you hoping somehow the person who hurt you will be punished? Nope. That’s not going to happen. The only person who is suffering is you. And you must know how damaging this kind of emotion is to your health if you keep it going long-term. The other people who could be affected by you spewing vindictive nastiness, is your family and your friends. Anybody that has to listen to you talking in such a crappy way. Not only is it unpleasant to listen to, it’s boring! Of course, nobody will tell you to shut the hell up and get a life. They’ll probably just make excuses to spend less time with you.
So what’s the alternative? An important point I want to share with you is – by letting go of the hatred doesn’t mean that you’ve forgiven that person. So many people feel that leaving those crappy feelings behind is somehow making it all OK, like it doesn’t matter what he or she did. Forgiveness is important, for your own well-being. But it’s a conscious thing. Something you choose to do.
So, stop hating and instead…
I understand if you’re yelling, “It’s not that simple!” right now. But what is more simple? To deal with the crap that’s happened to you and dare to trust again, or to be stoking that fire of hatred for the rest of your life and ending up with one of those faces which is permanently set into a contorted, bitter expression? You choose.
If you need support, don’t hesitate to get in contact with me. I’m always here to help.
By Judith Flowerday
- Deal with the fallout from the breakdown in your relationship.
- Accept that not all people are the same. That’s a ridiculous assumption!
- Move on. With an open heart and maybe a lesson learned, but move on from the pain, the anger, the hatred.
Tags: broken heart, forgiveness, hate all men, hate all women, hatred, moving on, unforgiving