Dating? Stop Faking It!
Do you fake it when you’re dating? I don’t mean in the bedroom, ladies… I mean trying so hard to be attractive, witty, intelligent, desirable that you end up portraying a version of yourself that simply doesn’t exist in the real world. If you’re naturally a bit of a good-time girl (or guy), do you put a lid on your natural exuberance and pretend to be well behaved and house trained?
Why? No, seriously, why would you do that?
It’s time to stop faking it.
Think about it for a moment. You start dating somebody you really like and the relationship becomes serious. Great! Not so great though if you have to carry on being this other person you’ve been pretending to be since you first met! That’s exhausting. And stressful. And potentially a relationship killer once your partner finds out that you’re not the person you pretended to be.
Lying. That’s how it will come across.
I will admit to being nastily amused when I witnessed a lady who had pretended to be vegetarian being caught red-handed eating a burger by her fiance. It wasn’t the meat-eating he dumped her for. It was the manipulation that he felt she had done to him, and the lies.
I understand why you do it. You want to make a good impression. But don’t let that impression become your fake reality. An alternative version of you.
The opposite is just as bad. That slobbish or arrogant, “They’ll have to take me as they find me” mentality. The one where you deliberately refuse to make any effort at all? The one where you sometimes go out of your way to be obnoxious or outrageous? That is childish and lazy. You deserve somebody equally as obnoxious if this is what you do.
What’s the alternative to faking it?
Be authentic! Yes, be yourself. Totally, unashamedly you.
If you’ve hidden behind a mask for a long while, this new level of honesty will be a shock for you. You’ll feel naked. Nowhere to hide. Maybe you won’t feel very confident. But then what? Well, there’ll be no pressure to ‘perform’, no stress, no fear of being caught out. The person you’re dating will actually be dating the real you! We all get more comfortable as we get to know each other more, but you’ll still be the real you. How refreshing! Want to give it a go?
If you need a little extra support, get in touch.
By Judith Flowerday
Tags: be yourself, dating, honesty