If you truly know yourself, warts and all, you have a better chance of enjoying a healthy and happy long-term relationship.
It could be the case that you never really took the time to get to know who you are, or maybe you have changed, or grew along the way, and you’ve lost touch with who you are right now. Some people deliberately disconnect from themselves to avoid dealing with aspects of their personalities that they don’t like or are too hard to face, or they changed to try and keep the peace in a previous relationship. If this is you, it’s time to get real!
Who are you?
Take a piece of paper (or create a document on your smartphone or computer) and write at the top ‘Who Am I?’ Then answer that question in as much detail as you can.
Imagine yourself as an onion, and examine the outer layer first. Then peel that layer off to reveal the one beneath, and so on. Use the ideas below to get yourself in the right headspace. (This is not an exercise designed to give you the opportunity to beat yourself up but simply for you to acknowledge who you really are, so focus on the positive elements too!)
Start with things like son, daughter, parent, friend, boss, employee etc. You know, the things that most people could be aware of.
Now begin thinking on a deeper level. Who are you? The part of you that you let friends and family see, maybe. Successful, loyal, clumsy, jealous…
Now it’s time to get really honest! Who are you deep down? The aspects of your character that only you are aware of. Flirty, guilty, self-harmer, sexy, self-obsessed, gossip, spiritual, shy…
You can complete this exercise in more than one ‘sitting’, but do give it your best shot.
What have you learned? Do you have a sense of connection with yourself now, on a more honest level? Periodically check in with yourself and reconnect to the real you.
By Judith Flowerday.
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