Elite Matchmaking for Norwich & Norfolk.
Your personal dating advisor.

Elite Matchmaking for Norwich  Norfolk, your personal dating advisor.

Contact Judith on 07769 256740

3 Reasons Why Loving Yourself Is Jolly Useful.

Let’s get one thing straight. I’m not about to launch into some twee, fluffy, knit your own jumper out of yogurt sycophantic monologue here. You can find that kind of nauseating stuff anywhere.   What I am going to share with you is 3 reasons why you’ll benefit from loving yourself, before you love anybody else. If you have a habit of screwing up relationships, this may be key for you.   3 reasons why loving yourself is pretty damn useful: –
  1. You’ll be able to love others without all the emotional baggage, hang-ups and neediness that gets in the way of what you truly feel. Without this stuff to hinder you, you’ll be able to love in a pretty simple and honest way. This kind of freedom is epic! Loving somebody else becomes peaceful and easy.
  2. You’ll naturally respect yourself, and will be less inclined to let other people treat you badly. You will be lovingly assertive. You won’t need to be a doormat. You won’t need to be aggressive. Welcome to the new, empowered you!
  3. You will enjoy your relationship with yourself so much more. You’ll enjoy your life more and you’ll enjoy relationships with other people more.
You have to admit, those benefits are worth having, aren’t they?   Get to know yourself. Spend some time with ‘you’. See the good and the bad (your opinion, not mine), and accept them both, with love. Let go of all the crappy ideas you have about yourself, the worries about what other people think of you and the ways in which you change your personality in the hope that somebody will like you more. Just be you. Then love yourself.   Need help learning how to do this? Get in touch.   By Judith Flowerday

Stop Hating!

If you’re not a hater yourself, I bet you’ve known one.   ‘Hate’ is a very strong word and it can often make us feel uncomfortable when we read it or hear somebody use it. It’s an even stronger emotion. It’s harmful too! When your heart gets broken, it hurts like hell. That pain that you feel is pretty much unavoidable if you genuinely care about the person who caused it.   You have a choice what happens next though. Are you surprised? I’m guessing you don’t think you have a choice? That you have to sink without trace in the misery of it all? You’re wrong. I’m talking about the hatred that some broken hearted souls fall into. You feed it and keep it burning. I’ve known some people who have fed it for decades. Wow, what a damn waste!   Hating the person who hurt you, well, that’s understandable, to a point. It’s still a really nasty emotion though. Anger is much healthier. Try anger instead. Hating all women or all men or all couples in love, that’s a whole different issue! Do you see how you do that? Do you see how you’ve taken your anger and pain and directed it not at the person who broke you, but at all those of the same gender?   What are you hoping to achieve by choosing to feel this way? Are you hoping somehow the person who hurt you will be punished? Nope. That’s not going to happen. The only person who is suffering is you. And you must know how damaging this kind of emotion is to your health if you keep it going long-term. The other people who could be affected by you spewing vindictive nastiness, is your family and your friends. Anybody that has to listen to you talking in such a crappy way. Not only is it unpleasant to listen to, it’s boring! Of course, nobody will tell you to shut the hell up and get a life. They’ll probably just make excuses to spend less time with you.   So what’s the alternative? An important point I want to share with you is – by letting go of the hatred doesn’t mean that you’ve forgiven that person. So many people feel that leaving those crappy feelings behind is somehow making it all OK, like it doesn’t matter what he or she did. Forgiveness is important, for your own well-being. But it’s a conscious thing. Something you choose to do.   So, stop hating and instead…
  1. Deal with the fallout from the breakdown in your relationship.
  2. Accept that not all people are the same. That’s a ridiculous assumption!
  3. Move on. With an open heart and maybe a lesson learned, but move on from the pain, the anger, the hatred.
  I understand if you’re yelling, “It’s not that simple!” right now. But what is more simple? To deal with the crap that’s happened to you and dare to trust again, or to be stoking that fire of hatred for the rest of your life and ending up with one of those faces which is permanently set into a contorted, bitter expression? You choose.   If you need support, don’t hesitate to get in contact with me. I’m always here to help.   By Judith Flowerday

Jealousy. How to destroy your relationship.

“I’m only jealous because I love you/her/him so much.” I’ve been amazed to hear people say this, and they actually believe it, too! Where do you think jealousy comes from in a relationship? A lack of trust? Not feeling valued or appreciated by your partner? You’ve been cheated on before so it’s natural to feel jealous? A way of showing how much you care?   Jealousy has its roots in a lack of self-worth or self-esteem, generally. Unless the cause of the problem is resolved, the sufferer (and it really does make you suffer!) will drag it along with them into every relationship.   The standard symptom of jealousy is a belief/fear that your partner is cheating, or cheating you out of the proper amount of attention and giving it to somebody else. It isn’t restricted to cheating with a potential love or sex interest. Some people become incredibly jealous of the attention that their partner gives to their child, instead of them. Even your partner’s job or boss may be seen as a potential threat. Are you like this, or do you know somebody who is?   There are normally two types of personality types associated with jealousy. Either you’ll become really needy and clingy, or intense and controlling. Whichever type of behaviour you’re exhibiting, you’re on the right path to completely destroy your relationship, in time.   You can do the craziest things when you’re jealous. I’ve known people to secretly follow and watch their partner to find out what they’re really doing. Some have checked through phones, pockets and yes, even underwear, all in the search for evidence of suspected infidelity. Aggression and violence do happen, sadly. The partner who is subjected to this often irrational behaviour is very rarely flattered, and even less likely to feel loved. Usually it’s upsetting to know that you’re not trusted, and sometimes it’s pretty scary. Often if you’ve got a jealous partner, you’ll go to great lengths to prove your fidelity and your love. Then when that doesn’t work, your feelings become damaged. Some people cheat because they’re suspected of it anyway!   Whether you are the jealous one or the partner who has to deal with this horrible emotion, honest communication is often the start of resolving the problem. It’s not an easy one to let go of, but it’s possible. If your partner is actually cheating on you, that’s a whole other issue. But if the jealousy in your relationship is unfounded, get some support and deal with it. If you don’t, it will destroy your relationship. That would be a really sad waste.   By Judith Flowerday.   Judith offers coaching here at Norwich Elite Matchmaking, and at Dare To Fly. If you think you would benefit from a free consultation to see if she can assist you with improving your relationship, get in touch. Contact her via either website, or on 07769256740.