“I’m only jealous because I love you/her/him so much.” I’ve been amazed to hear people say this, and they actually believe it, too! Where do you think jealousy comes from in a relationship? A lack of trust? Not feeling valued or appreciated by your partner? You’ve been cheated on before so it’s natural to feel jealous? A way of showing how much you care?
Jealousy has its roots in a lack of self-worth or self-esteem, generally. Unless the cause of the problem is resolved, the sufferer (and it really does make you suffer!) will drag it along with them into every relationship.
The standard symptom of jealousy is a belief/fear that your partner is cheating, or cheating you out of the proper amount of attention and giving it to somebody else. It isn’t restricted to cheating with a potential love or sex interest. Some people become incredibly jealous of the attention that their partner gives to their child, instead of them. Even your partner’s job or boss may be seen as a potential threat. Are you like this, or do you know somebody who is?
There are normally two types of personality types associated with jealousy. Either you’ll become really needy and clingy, or intense and controlling. Whichever type of behaviour you’re exhibiting, you’re on the right path to completely destroy your relationship, in time.
You can do the craziest things when you’re jealous. I’ve known people to secretly follow and watch their partner to find out what they’re really
doing. Some have checked through phones, pockets and yes, even underwear, all in the search for evidence of suspected infidelity. Aggression and violence do happen, sadly. The partner who is subjected to this often irrational behaviour is very rarely flattered, and even less likely to feel loved. Usually it’s upsetting to know that you’re not trusted, and sometimes it’s pretty scary. Often if you’ve got a jealous partner, you’ll go to great lengths to prove your fidelity and your love. Then when that doesn’t work, your feelings become damaged. Some people cheat because they’re suspected of it anyway!
Whether you are the jealous one or the partner who has to deal with this horrible emotion, honest communication is often the start of resolving the problem. It’s not an easy one to let go of, but it’s possible. If your partner is actually cheating on you, that’s a whole other issue. But if the jealousy in your relationship is unfounded, get some support and deal with it. If you don’t, it will destroy your relationship. That would be a really sad waste.
By Judith Flowerday.
Judith offers coaching here at Norwich Elite Matchmaking, and at Dare To Fly
. If you think you would benefit from a free consultation
to see if she can assist you with improving your relationship, get in touch. Contact her via either website, or on 07769256740.