Elite Matchmaking for Norwich & Norfolk.
Your personal dating advisor.

Elite Matchmaking for Norwich  Norfolk, your personal dating advisor.

Contact Judith on 07769 256740

3 Reasons Why Loving Yourself Is Jolly Useful.

Let’s get one thing straight. I’m not about to launch into some twee, fluffy, knit your own jumper out of yogurt sycophantic monologue here. You can find that kind of nauseating stuff anywhere.   What I am going to share with you is 3 reasons why you’ll benefit from loving yourself, before you love anybody else. If you have a habit of screwing up relationships, this may be key for you.   3 reasons why loving yourself is pretty damn useful: –
  1. You’ll be able to love others without all the emotional baggage, hang-ups and neediness that gets in the way of what you truly feel. Without this stuff to hinder you, you’ll be able to love in a pretty simple and honest way. This kind of freedom is epic! Loving somebody else becomes peaceful and easy.
  2. You’ll naturally respect yourself, and will be less inclined to let other people treat you badly. You will be lovingly assertive. You won’t need to be a doormat. You won’t need to be aggressive. Welcome to the new, empowered you!
  3. You will enjoy your relationship with yourself so much more. You’ll enjoy your life more and you’ll enjoy relationships with other people more.
You have to admit, those benefits are worth having, aren’t they?   Get to know yourself. Spend some time with ‘you’. See the good and the bad (your opinion, not mine), and accept them both, with love. Let go of all the crappy ideas you have about yourself, the worries about what other people think of you and the ways in which you change your personality in the hope that somebody will like you more. Just be you. Then love yourself.   Need help learning how to do this? Get in touch.   By Judith Flowerday

Stop Hating!

If you’re not a hater yourself, I bet you’ve known one.   ‘Hate’ is a very strong word and it can often make us feel uncomfortable when we read it or hear somebody use it. It’s an even stronger emotion. It’s harmful too! When your heart gets broken, it hurts like hell. That pain that you feel is pretty much unavoidable if you genuinely care about the person who caused it.   You have a choice what happens next though. Are you surprised? I’m guessing you don’t think you have a choice? That you have to sink without trace in the misery of it all? You’re wrong. I’m talking about the hatred that some broken hearted souls fall into. You feed it and keep it burning. I’ve known some people who have fed it for decades. Wow, what a damn waste!   Hating the person who hurt you, well, that’s understandable, to a point. It’s still a really nasty emotion though. Anger is much healthier. Try anger instead. Hating all women or all men or all couples in love, that’s a whole different issue! Do you see how you do that? Do you see how you’ve taken your anger and pain and directed it not at the person who broke you, but at all those of the same gender?   What are you hoping to achieve by choosing to feel this way? Are you hoping somehow the person who hurt you will be punished? Nope. That’s not going to happen. The only person who is suffering is you. And you must know how damaging this kind of emotion is to your health if you keep it going long-term. The other people who could be affected by you spewing vindictive nastiness, is your family and your friends. Anybody that has to listen to you talking in such a crappy way. Not only is it unpleasant to listen to, it’s boring! Of course, nobody will tell you to shut the hell up and get a life. They’ll probably just make excuses to spend less time with you.   So what’s the alternative? An important point I want to share with you is – by letting go of the hatred doesn’t mean that you’ve forgiven that person. So many people feel that leaving those crappy feelings behind is somehow making it all OK, like it doesn’t matter what he or she did. Forgiveness is important, for your own well-being. But it’s a conscious thing. Something you choose to do.   So, stop hating and instead…
  1. Deal with the fallout from the breakdown in your relationship.
  2. Accept that not all people are the same. That’s a ridiculous assumption!
  3. Move on. With an open heart and maybe a lesson learned, but move on from the pain, the anger, the hatred.
  I understand if you’re yelling, “It’s not that simple!” right now. But what is more simple? To deal with the crap that’s happened to you and dare to trust again, or to be stoking that fire of hatred for the rest of your life and ending up with one of those faces which is permanently set into a contorted, bitter expression? You choose.   If you need support, don’t hesitate to get in contact with me. I’m always here to help.   By Judith Flowerday

Dating? Stop Faking It!

Do you fake it when you’re dating? I don’t mean in the bedroom, ladies… I mean trying so hard to be attractive, witty, intelligent, desirable that you end up portraying a version of yourself that simply doesn’t exist in the real world. If you’re naturally a bit of a good-time girl (or guy), do you put a lid on your natural exuberance and pretend to be well behaved and house trained?   Why? No, seriously, why would you do that?   It’s time to stop faking it.   Think about it for a moment. You start dating somebody you really like and the relationship becomes serious. Great! Not so great though if you have to carry on being this other person you’ve been pretending to be since you first met! That’s exhausting. And stressful. And potentially a relationship killer once your partner finds out that you’re not the person you pretended to be.   Lying. That’s how it will come across.   I will admit to being nastily amused when I witnessed a lady who had pretended to be vegetarian being caught red-handed eating a burger by her fiance. It wasn’t the meat-eating he dumped her for. It was the manipulation that he felt she had done to him, and the lies.   I understand why you do it. You want to make a good impression. But don’t let that impression become your fake reality. An alternative version of you.   The opposite is just as bad. That slobbish or arrogant, “They’ll have to take me as they find me” mentality. The one where you deliberately refuse to make any effort at all? The one where you sometimes go out of your way to be obnoxious or outrageous? That is childish and lazy. You deserve somebody equally as obnoxious if this is what you do.   What’s the alternative to faking it?   Be authentic! Yes, be yourself. Totally, unashamedly you.   If you’ve hidden behind a mask for a long while, this new level of honesty will be a shock for you. You’ll feel naked. Nowhere to hide. Maybe you won’t feel very confident. But then what? Well, there’ll be no pressure to ‘perform’, no stress, no fear of being caught out. The person you’re dating will actually be dating the real you! We all get more comfortable as we get to know each other more, but you’ll still be the real you. How refreshing! Want to give it a go?   Good luck!   If you need a little extra support, get in touch.   By Judith Flowerday

Are You Waiting To Be Happy?

Be Happy Now                               Are you the kind of person who won’t be happy until you’re in a relationship? Is your life on hold until you meet your soul mate, or whoever your next partner is?   Why?!   How many weeks, months or years are you wasting of this precious life by not being happy right now? And just how likely are you to settle for the next person who seems like a fairly good match, just because you hate being alone? Loneliness can make you desperate, if you let it. Desperation can land you right in the middle of a relationship that isn’t healthy or fulfilling, and then the fear of being alone again will keep you stuck there. Where’s your happiness then?   I have had a few conversations recently with singles who are dating in Norwich, and I have been surprised to discover just how many ‘know’ they won’t be happy until they are in a relationship. Of course, if you know you won’t be happy, and you’re pretty much determined that you won’t be, then you won’t!   Do you think happiness just happens to you, magically at the point when everything that you’ve been hoping for or planning just falls into place? Have you considered, just maybe, that being happy is a choice?   Yes, being in a healthy relationship brings a wonderful new dimension to your life, it increases happiness and well-being, but it’s not your whole life. Don’t wait for your happiness to start. Find it now. Discover what makes your heart sing, and do it often. Discover your life’s purpose and start working towards actually honouring it. You are at the heart of your world, and your connection with a potential partner begins with your relationship with yourself.  You only have 1 life. Don’t be afraid to live it.   By Judith Flowerday, matchmaker, life and relationship coach at Norwich Elite Matchmaking.   Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I hope you have found it interesting or useful. Feel free to share it! You may also like to download our ‘Dating Guide’. You can get yours by signing up in the box on the right of  the Home Page here.  

18 Ways To Love Being Single

nQ9dfes                     So, you’re single?   Maybe you are quite enjoying the breathing space that being single gives you, or you could be feeling really sad and irritable about it.   Let’s take a slightly tongue-in-cheek look at the pleasurable bits, here’s 18 ways to love being single!
  1. You don’t have to shave your legs so frequently. (Ladies, mostly)
  2. You don’t have to hide your chocolate.
  3. You can love yourself first, and second. You can be selfish, and do what you love in your own time, on your own terms.
  4. You can put your pyjamas on at 3pm, or stay in them all day.
  5. You can continue wearing your favourite sweater long after it started falling to bits.
  6. You can wear those big old greying comfortable pants, and whip your bra off and fling it across the room as soon as you get home. (Ladies, I’m with you on this one)
  7. You can spend time with you. Just be.
  8. You can cry at soppy films, or even adverts, without feeling silly. ‘Ghost’ or ‘Marley and Me’ are perfect for this!
  9. You can spend time with friends without worrying about rushing home to cook dinner or clean up.
  10. You can leave the housework a while longer.
  11. You can hog the remote control and shout at the TV.
  12. You can hog the bed. Starfish anyone?
  13. You can always leave the toilet seat down, or up. (Delete as appropriate)
  14. You can sing into your hairbrush and dance in the lounge while watching Mamma Mia. (Ladies, mostly).
  15. You can play air guitar and throw yourself around in a demented fashion, red-faced and childishly excited (men, mostly).
  16. You can treat yourself, without feeling guilty. Soak in the bath until your toes shrivel up, read a book in bed, eat toast in bed, light a fragranced candle just for you, get a massage. Do what feels good.
  17. You must accept that some people will assume that you are desperate to be in a relationship and your life is somehow lacking in fulfilment.
  18. You can flirt a little (or a lot), if you want to, and simply enjoy it for its own sake.
  By Judith Flowerday, matchmaker, life and relationship coach at Norwich Elite Matchmaking.   Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I hope you have found it interesting or useful. Feel free to share it! You may also like to download our ‘Dating Guide’. You can get yours by signing up in the box on the right of  the Home Page here.