Let’s get one thing straight. I’m not about to launch into some twee, fluffy, knit your own jumper out of yogurt sycophantic monologue here. You can find that kind of nauseating stuff anywhere.
What I am going to share with you is 3 reasons why you’ll benefit from loving yourself, before you love anybody else. If you have a habit of screwing up relationships, this may be key for you.
3 reasons why loving yourself is pretty damn useful: –
You’ll be able to love others without all the emotional baggage, hang-ups and neediness that gets in the way of what you truly feel. Without this stuff to hinder you, you’ll be able to love in a pretty simple and honest way. This kind of freedom is epic! Loving somebody else becomes peaceful and easy.
You’ll naturally respect yourself, and will be less inclined to let other people treat you badly. You will be lovingly assertive. You won’t need to be a doormat. You won’t need to be aggressive. Welcome to the new, empowered you!
You will enjoy your relationship with yourself so much more. You’ll enjoy your life more and you’ll enjoy relationships with other people more.
You have to admit, those benefits are worth having, aren’t they?
Get to know yourself. Spend some time with ‘you’. See the good and the bad (your opinion, not mine), and accept them both, with love. Let go of all the crappy ideas you have about yourself, the worries about what other people think of you and the ways in which you change your personality in the hope that somebody will like you more. Just be you. Then love yourself.
Need help learning how to do this? Get in touch.
By Judith Flowerday
If you truly know yourself, warts and all, you have a better chance of enjoying a healthy and happy long-term relationship.
It could be the case that you never really took the time to get to know who you are, or maybe you have changed, or grew along the way, and you’ve lost touch with who you are right now. Some people deliberately disconnect from themselves to avoid dealing with aspects of their personalities that they don’t like or are too hard to face, or they changed to try and keep the peace in a previous relationship. If this is you, it’s time to get real!
Who are you?
Take a piece of paper (or create a document on your smartphone or computer) and write at the top ‘Who Am I?’ Then answer that question in as much detail as you can.
Imagine yourself as an onion, and examine the outer layer first. Then peel that layer off to reveal the one beneath, and so on. Use the ideas below to get yourself in the right headspace. (This is not an exercise designed to give you the opportunity to beat yourself up but simply for you to acknowledge who you really are, so focus on the positive elements too!)
Start with things like son, daughter, parent, friend, boss, employee etc. You know, the things that most people could be aware of.
Now begin thinking on a deeper level. Who are you? The part of you that you let friends and family see, maybe. Successful, loyal, clumsy, jealous…
Now it’s time to get really honest! Who are you deep down? The aspects of your character that only you are aware of. Flirty, guilty, self-harmer, sexy, self-obsessed, gossip, spiritual, shy…
You can complete this exercise in more than one ‘sitting’, but do give it your best shot.
What have you learned? Do you have a sense of connection with yourself now, on a more honest level? Periodically check in with yourself and reconnect to the real you.
By Judith Flowerday.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I hope you have found it interesting or useful. Feel free to share it! You may also like to download our ‘Dating Guide’. You can get yours by signing up in the box on the right of the Home Page here.