Elite Matchmaking for Norwich & Norfolk.
Your personal dating advisor.

Elite Matchmaking for Norwich  Norfolk, your personal dating advisor.

Contact Judith on 07769 256740

How Does A Matchmaker Work?

So, you’ve finally got over your break-up i.e. you’ve moved away from analysing every detail towards acceptance, learning and growth. Either that or you’re wanting to move your focus onto dating after a long period of concentrating on another area of your life such as your career. Whichever it is, you woke up this morning and decided: ‘I have a good life and I’d really like to share it with someone else.’ The frustration of being ready is knowing what to do about it. It can bring about an anxious feeling of all those possible matches existing in the world but not knowing where to start to find them.

Many online dating platforms will certainly show you who’s available in your area and some even use personality testing to see who you’d best match with. However, with computer algorithms making the matches and there not being a real person to mediate, your personal information will be made public. In some cases, this can lead to disaster because there’s more opportunity for people to bend the truth about who they are and no one to pick up on it.

At Norwich Elite Matchmaking, I meet each and every person accepted on to our database. This way I can make sure all my clients are serious about dating and are who they say they are. It goes further: I get to know them. It’s my aim to build up a supportive relationship with everyone I work with. What makes you tick? What are you looking for in a relationship? What do you like to do in your spare time? Empowered with answers such as these, I use my years of experience to find the perfect match for you.

When I meet you I also find out if there’s any other support you need. Through myself and my partners we can offer relationship coaching, hair, beauty and style advice so you’re as well prepared for dating as possible. I tailor our service to your specific needs so you can use as much or as little as you require.

Once I’ve built up a rapport with you, I enter your details into my confidential database. As soon as we’ve met, I’m already mulling over who you’d match with. Even if it gets me up in the night for one of those lightbulb moments, I’m happy to do what it takes to get the right match for you. I don’t just send your match’s details by email or post, I tell you my thoughts on the match i.e. why I think it’s a good one as I believe it’s important to give a personalised opinion.

When I send out your match’s profile I try and give you just enough information to decide if you’d like to meet them. I find that sometimes factors such as age can initially put someone off a potentially good match so I’ll give you an age range for the best possible chance of success.

If both parties agree to a meet up I provide mobile numbers as a secure way to set up a date. With security being a priority, I use mobile numbers as they can be blocked should the worst happen and someone act out of turn. In my experience this has never happened due to my careful vetting process but it’s better to be safe than sorry.

So, you go on the date and to your absolute delight you’ve met the partner of your dreams. My support doesn’t stop there because I believe that keeping love is often trickier than finding it. When you’re in a new relationship, or even further down the line I offer coaching, support and guidance should you need it.

Norwich Elite Matchmaking offers a secure, supportive, dating consultancy aiming to give you as little or as much help required throughout your journey of finding love and keeping it.

To find out more about the unique Norwich Elite Matchmaking journey, contact Judith Flowerday on (+44) 7769 256740

 

Written for Norwich Elite Matchmaking by the talented copywriter, Catherine Sellars

catherine@splendidscribe.com www.splendidscribe.com

3 Reasons Why Loving Yourself Is Jolly Useful.

Let’s get one thing straight. I’m not about to launch into some twee, fluffy, knit your own jumper out of yogurt sycophantic monologue here. You can find that kind of nauseating stuff anywhere.   What I am going to share with you is 3 reasons why you’ll benefit from loving yourself, before you love anybody else. If you have a habit of screwing up relationships, this may be key for you.   3 reasons why loving yourself is pretty damn useful: –
  1. You’ll be able to love others without all the emotional baggage, hang-ups and neediness that gets in the way of what you truly feel. Without this stuff to hinder you, you’ll be able to love in a pretty simple and honest way. This kind of freedom is epic! Loving somebody else becomes peaceful and easy.
  2. You’ll naturally respect yourself, and will be less inclined to let other people treat you badly. You will be lovingly assertive. You won’t need to be a doormat. You won’t need to be aggressive. Welcome to the new, empowered you!
  3. You will enjoy your relationship with yourself so much more. You’ll enjoy your life more and you’ll enjoy relationships with other people more.
You have to admit, those benefits are worth having, aren’t they?   Get to know yourself. Spend some time with ‘you’. See the good and the bad (your opinion, not mine), and accept them both, with love. Let go of all the crappy ideas you have about yourself, the worries about what other people think of you and the ways in which you change your personality in the hope that somebody will like you more. Just be you. Then love yourself.   Need help learning how to do this? Get in touch.   By Judith Flowerday

Stop Hating!

If you’re not a hater yourself, I bet you’ve known one.   ‘Hate’ is a very strong word and it can often make us feel uncomfortable when we read it or hear somebody use it. It’s an even stronger emotion. It’s harmful too! When your heart gets broken, it hurts like hell. That pain that you feel is pretty much unavoidable if you genuinely care about the person who caused it.   You have a choice what happens next though. Are you surprised? I’m guessing you don’t think you have a choice? That you have to sink without trace in the misery of it all? You’re wrong. I’m talking about the hatred that some broken hearted souls fall into. You feed it and keep it burning. I’ve known some people who have fed it for decades. Wow, what a damn waste!   Hating the person who hurt you, well, that’s understandable, to a point. It’s still a really nasty emotion though. Anger is much healthier. Try anger instead. Hating all women or all men or all couples in love, that’s a whole different issue! Do you see how you do that? Do you see how you’ve taken your anger and pain and directed it not at the person who broke you, but at all those of the same gender?   What are you hoping to achieve by choosing to feel this way? Are you hoping somehow the person who hurt you will be punished? Nope. That’s not going to happen. The only person who is suffering is you. And you must know how damaging this kind of emotion is to your health if you keep it going long-term. The other people who could be affected by you spewing vindictive nastiness, is your family and your friends. Anybody that has to listen to you talking in such a crappy way. Not only is it unpleasant to listen to, it’s boring! Of course, nobody will tell you to shut the hell up and get a life. They’ll probably just make excuses to spend less time with you.   So what’s the alternative? An important point I want to share with you is – by letting go of the hatred doesn’t mean that you’ve forgiven that person. So many people feel that leaving those crappy feelings behind is somehow making it all OK, like it doesn’t matter what he or she did. Forgiveness is important, for your own well-being. But it’s a conscious thing. Something you choose to do.   So, stop hating and instead…
  1. Deal with the fallout from the breakdown in your relationship.
  2. Accept that not all people are the same. That’s a ridiculous assumption!
  3. Move on. With an open heart and maybe a lesson learned, but move on from the pain, the anger, the hatred.
  I understand if you’re yelling, “It’s not that simple!” right now. But what is more simple? To deal with the crap that’s happened to you and dare to trust again, or to be stoking that fire of hatred for the rest of your life and ending up with one of those faces which is permanently set into a contorted, bitter expression? You choose.   If you need support, don’t hesitate to get in contact with me. I’m always here to help.   By Judith Flowerday

Dating? Stop Faking It!

Do you fake it when you’re dating? I don’t mean in the bedroom, ladies… I mean trying so hard to be attractive, witty, intelligent, desirable that you end up portraying a version of yourself that simply doesn’t exist in the real world. If you’re naturally a bit of a good-time girl (or guy), do you put a lid on your natural exuberance and pretend to be well behaved and house trained?   Why? No, seriously, why would you do that?   It’s time to stop faking it.   Think about it for a moment. You start dating somebody you really like and the relationship becomes serious. Great! Not so great though if you have to carry on being this other person you’ve been pretending to be since you first met! That’s exhausting. And stressful. And potentially a relationship killer once your partner finds out that you’re not the person you pretended to be.   Lying. That’s how it will come across.   I will admit to being nastily amused when I witnessed a lady who had pretended to be vegetarian being caught red-handed eating a burger by her fiance. It wasn’t the meat-eating he dumped her for. It was the manipulation that he felt she had done to him, and the lies.   I understand why you do it. You want to make a good impression. But don’t let that impression become your fake reality. An alternative version of you.   The opposite is just as bad. That slobbish or arrogant, “They’ll have to take me as they find me” mentality. The one where you deliberately refuse to make any effort at all? The one where you sometimes go out of your way to be obnoxious or outrageous? That is childish and lazy. You deserve somebody equally as obnoxious if this is what you do.   What’s the alternative to faking it?   Be authentic! Yes, be yourself. Totally, unashamedly you.   If you’ve hidden behind a mask for a long while, this new level of honesty will be a shock for you. You’ll feel naked. Nowhere to hide. Maybe you won’t feel very confident. But then what? Well, there’ll be no pressure to ‘perform’, no stress, no fear of being caught out. The person you’re dating will actually be dating the real you! We all get more comfortable as we get to know each other more, but you’ll still be the real you. How refreshing! Want to give it a go?   Good luck!   If you need a little extra support, get in touch.   By Judith Flowerday

Jealousy. How to destroy your relationship.

“I’m only jealous because I love you/her/him so much.” I’ve been amazed to hear people say this, and they actually believe it, too! Where do you think jealousy comes from in a relationship? A lack of trust? Not feeling valued or appreciated by your partner? You’ve been cheated on before so it’s natural to feel jealous? A way of showing how much you care?   Jealousy has its roots in a lack of self-worth or self-esteem, generally. Unless the cause of the problem is resolved, the sufferer (and it really does make you suffer!) will drag it along with them into every relationship.   The standard symptom of jealousy is a belief/fear that your partner is cheating, or cheating you out of the proper amount of attention and giving it to somebody else. It isn’t restricted to cheating with a potential love or sex interest. Some people become incredibly jealous of the attention that their partner gives to their child, instead of them. Even your partner’s job or boss may be seen as a potential threat. Are you like this, or do you know somebody who is?   There are normally two types of personality types associated with jealousy. Either you’ll become really needy and clingy, or intense and controlling. Whichever type of behaviour you’re exhibiting, you’re on the right path to completely destroy your relationship, in time.   You can do the craziest things when you’re jealous. I’ve known people to secretly follow and watch their partner to find out what they’re really doing. Some have checked through phones, pockets and yes, even underwear, all in the search for evidence of suspected infidelity. Aggression and violence do happen, sadly. The partner who is subjected to this often irrational behaviour is very rarely flattered, and even less likely to feel loved. Usually it’s upsetting to know that you’re not trusted, and sometimes it’s pretty scary. Often if you’ve got a jealous partner, you’ll go to great lengths to prove your fidelity and your love. Then when that doesn’t work, your feelings become damaged. Some people cheat because they’re suspected of it anyway!   Whether you are the jealous one or the partner who has to deal with this horrible emotion, honest communication is often the start of resolving the problem. It’s not an easy one to let go of, but it’s possible. If your partner is actually cheating on you, that’s a whole other issue. But if the jealousy in your relationship is unfounded, get some support and deal with it. If you don’t, it will destroy your relationship. That would be a really sad waste.   By Judith Flowerday.   Judith offers coaching here at Norwich Elite Matchmaking, and at Dare To Fly. If you think you would benefit from a free consultation to see if she can assist you with improving your relationship, get in touch. Contact her via either website, or on 07769256740.

5 Ways Your Stress Is Wrecking Your Relationship

Stress    

                     

You’re too hard on yourself

When you always believe the worst about yourself and put yourself down, that’s a great way to get, and stay stressed. When you’re stuck in this negative mindset, you’ll be comparing yourself negatively to other people, wanting to be the perfect partner but convincing yourself that you’re not. You won’t accept compliments either. Nobody enjoys being around a person who’s negative all the time, and when your partner is like this, the relationship is hard work! You might not realise it, but your stress is wrecking your relationship. And let’s be honest, negative people aren’t as attractive as positive ones. Work out why you think like you do, and stop it before you damage your relationship. If you get stressed about stuff that ‘could’ happen to you, face your fears and ask yourself, “What if?” What if your partner cheats on you? What if your partner leaves you? Face those fears head on, and follow them through to the likely conclusion that no matter how bad things may turn out, you will cope/survive. So what’s the point stressing yourself out on worrying so much when it won’t change the outcome?    

Trying to please others

Do you think people will like or love you more if you always run around after them? They’re more likely to have no respect for you and continue to take advantage of you. If you behave like a servant rather than a partner you’ll change the dynamic of your relationship and you’ll quite possibly become resentful, as well as stressed to the eyeballs. Maybe you spend so much time running around after other family members that you don’t invest enough time in your relationship with your partner? If you’ve got deeper issues that mean you are always looking for approval or you’re scared of rejection, get them sorted. Start pleasing yourself for a change.    

Fighting

If you are aggressive or passive aggressive (snidey comments, which you’ll deny you make) you’ll turn your relationship into a battleground, and you’ll feel stressed most of the time. Your partner will do too! If you have unresolved issues, deal with them. Anger is a normal, healthy emotion until it gets out of control – then it becomes destructive, affecting your relationships at home and at work.    

Procrastinating

When you are putting off doing things that you think will be difficult or time consuming, they still rent space in your head. If they really need doing, stop messing about and just do them! If your partner regularly asks you to do things in the house that you never get around to, you’ll both be getting stressed about it.    

Being a perfectionist

This could be you if you find yourself spending way too long on something, or you make changes (usually ones that cost money!) but then you’re still not happy and change again. Consider if you are trying to achieve absolute perfection, or if you’re avoiding something by never sitting still. This kind of behaviour can be costly and stressful for you and exhausting for your partner. Deal with it.    

Moving forward

These are just some of the ways you can let your stress infect your relationship. If you recognise any of the behaviour mentioned here, you will substantially reduce your stress levels when you get a grip and control your triggers. You’ll also have a better chance of enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. Need a little extra support? We offer confidential coaching via our sister company Dare To Fly. Take a look at the relationship services that may help you, or contact Norwich Elite Matchmaking’s dating and relationship coach here.   By Judith Flowerday

57% Percent Of You Would Rather Date Somebody Unattractive Than Somebody With A Mental Illness

44% of you would refuse a date with somebody unattractive. 57% wouldn’t consider dating somebody with a mental illness.   Are you shocked?   A higher percentage of you would rather have a second date with somebody who’d been in prison.   With 1 in 4 people in this country affected by mental illness, these are pretty staggering results, don’t you think? Chances are, if you haven’t suffered with a mental illness yourself, you probably know somebody who has.   Are you one of the 57%? If you knew somebody had a mental illness, would you still date them? Be honest now!   The survey by Time To Change reveals that you would respond more favourably a few months into the relationship.   So what is it that puts you off? Lack of knowledge? Too much of your own ‘stuff’ so you don’t want to take on somebody else’s ‘stuff’? Fear of the unknown? Maybe you fear that the person will suddenly ‘flip out’ and embarrass you in public?   I have a challenge for you. Are you ready? Find out more about mental illness. See beyond the stigma. See beyond the discrimination. Get the facts.   Google your heart out, and educate yourself. Check these out to start with Time To Change.org or Mental Health.org   Who knows, you may just allow somebody into your heart who you wouldn’t have given a chance to previously… And that person could bring you incredible happiness. You wouldn’t want to miss out on that, would you?   Thanks to Time To Change for their great video.   By Judith Flowerday. Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I hope you have found it interesting or useful. Feel free to share it! You may also like to download our ‘Dating Guide’. You can get yours by signing up in the box on the right of  the Home Page here.

Smile. Your Best Dating Accessory

                        What’s your best dating accessory? When you are getting ready to go out, I’m guessing you focus on what clothing, jewellery, make-up, handbag and shoes you will wear? You maybe try different outfits on until you find the look that you think suits you best, that makes you feel most confident, and will make the right impression on the person you are meeting. That’s great. You need to make a bit of an effort, for sure.   But you know, THE most attractive thing you could choose to wear is a smile. Not a fake, forced, nervous smile, but a warm, genuine one. This kind of smile generally comes from inner confidence, and feeling comfortable in your own skin. Yes it’s true that we judge somebody pretty much instantly, so the rest of your appearance is important, but a smile will shine brighter than anything else you could dress yourself with. I’m not suggesting you spend the whole date grinning like a Cheshire cat though!   Don’t just save that smile for dates though. Share it! Smiles cost nothing, and yet they can really brighten somebody’s day. Be generous.     By Judith Flowerday.   Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I hope you have found it interesting or useful. Feel free to share it! You may also like to download our ‘Dating Guide’. You can get yours by signing up in the box on the right of  the Home Page here.  

Know Yourself – Are You Ready For A Relationship?

Know Yourself                               If you truly know yourself, warts and all, you have a better chance of enjoying a healthy and happy long-term relationship.   It could be the case that you never really took the time to get to know who you are, or maybe you have changed, or grew along the way, and you’ve lost touch with who you are right now. Some people deliberately disconnect from themselves to avoid dealing with aspects of their personalities that they don’t like or are too hard to face, or they changed to try and keep the peace in a previous relationship. If this is you, it’s time to get real!   Who are you? Take a piece of paper (or create a document on your smartphone or computer) and write at the top ‘Who Am I?’  Then answer that question in as much detail as you can. Imagine yourself as an onion, and examine the outer layer first. Then peel that layer off to reveal the one beneath, and so on. Use the ideas below to get yourself in the right headspace. (This is not an exercise designed to give you the opportunity to beat yourself up but simply for you to acknowledge who you really are, so focus on the positive elements too!)
  1. Start with things like son, daughter, parent, friend, boss, employee etc. You know, the things that most people could be aware of.
  2. Now begin thinking on a deeper level. Who are you? The part of you that you let friends and family see, maybe. Successful, loyal, clumsy, jealous…
  3. Now it’s time to get really honest! Who are you deep down? The aspects of your character that only you are aware of. Flirty, guilty, self-harmer, sexy, self-obsessed, gossip, spiritual, shy…
You can complete this exercise in more than one ‘sitting’, but do give it your best shot.   What have you learned? Do you have a sense of connection with yourself now, on a more honest level? Periodically check in with yourself and reconnect to the real you.         By Judith Flowerday.   Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I hope you have found it interesting or useful. Feel free to share it! You may also like to download our ‘Dating Guide’. You can get yours by signing up in the box on the right of  the Home Page here.  

Are You Waiting To Be Happy?

Be Happy Now                               Are you the kind of person who won’t be happy until you’re in a relationship? Is your life on hold until you meet your soul mate, or whoever your next partner is?   Why?!   How many weeks, months or years are you wasting of this precious life by not being happy right now? And just how likely are you to settle for the next person who seems like a fairly good match, just because you hate being alone? Loneliness can make you desperate, if you let it. Desperation can land you right in the middle of a relationship that isn’t healthy or fulfilling, and then the fear of being alone again will keep you stuck there. Where’s your happiness then?   I have had a few conversations recently with singles who are dating in Norwich, and I have been surprised to discover just how many ‘know’ they won’t be happy until they are in a relationship. Of course, if you know you won’t be happy, and you’re pretty much determined that you won’t be, then you won’t!   Do you think happiness just happens to you, magically at the point when everything that you’ve been hoping for or planning just falls into place? Have you considered, just maybe, that being happy is a choice?   Yes, being in a healthy relationship brings a wonderful new dimension to your life, it increases happiness and well-being, but it’s not your whole life. Don’t wait for your happiness to start. Find it now. Discover what makes your heart sing, and do it often. Discover your life’s purpose and start working towards actually honouring it. You are at the heart of your world, and your connection with a potential partner begins with your relationship with yourself.  You only have 1 life. Don’t be afraid to live it.   By Judith Flowerday, matchmaker, life and relationship coach at Norwich Elite Matchmaking.   Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. I hope you have found it interesting or useful. Feel free to share it! You may also like to download our ‘Dating Guide’. You can get yours by signing up in the box on the right of  the Home Page here.