When you always believe the worst about yourself and put yourself down, that’s a great way to get, and stay stressed. When you’re stuck in this negative mindset, you’ll be comparing yourself negatively to other people, wanting to be the perfect partner but convincing yourself that you’re not. You won’t accept compliments either. Nobody enjoys being around a person who’s negative all the time, and when your partner is like this, the relationship is hard work!
You might not realise it, but your stress is wrecking your relationship.
And let’s be honest, negative people aren’t as attractive as positive ones. Work out why you think like you do, and stop it before you damage your relationship.
If you get stressed about stuff that ‘could’ happen to you, face your fears and ask yourself, “What if?” What if your partner cheats on you? What if your partner leaves you? Face those fears head on, and follow them through to the likely conclusion that no matter how bad things may turn out, you will cope/survive. So what’s the point stressing yourself out on worrying so much when it won’t change the outcome?
Trying to please others
Do you think people will like or love you more if you always run around after them? They’re more likely to have no respect for you and continue to take advantage of you. If you behave like a servant rather than a partner you’ll change the dynamic of your relationship and you’ll quite possibly become resentful, as well as stressed to the eyeballs. Maybe you spend so much time running around after other family members that you don’t invest enough time in your relationship with your partner? If you’ve got deeper issues that mean you are always looking for approval or you’re scared of rejection, get them sorted. Start pleasing yourself for a change.
If you are aggressive or passive aggressive (snidey comments, which you’ll deny you make) you’ll turn your relationship into a battleground, and you’ll feel stressed most of the time. Your partner will do too! If you have unresolved issues, deal with them. Anger is a normal, healthy emotion until it gets out of control – then it becomes destructive, affecting your relationships at home and at work.
When you are putting off doing things that you think will be difficult or time consuming, they still rent space in your head. If they really need doing, stop messing about and just do them! If your partner regularly asks you to do things in the house that you never get around to, you’ll both be getting stressed about it.
Being a perfectionist
This could be you if you find yourself spending way too long on something, or you make changes (usually ones that cost money!) but then you’re still not happy and change again. Consider if you are trying to achieve absolute perfection, or if you’re avoiding something by never sitting still. This kind of behaviour can be costly and stressful for you and exhausting for your partner. Deal with it.
These are just some of the ways you can let your stress infect your relationship. If you recognise any of the behaviour mentioned here, you will substantially reduce your stress levels when you get a grip and control your triggers. You’ll also have a better chance of enjoying a healthy, happy relationship. Need a little extra support? We offer confidential coaching via our sister company Dare To Fly. Take a look at the relationship services that may help you, or contact Norwich Elite Matchmaking’s dating and relationship coach here.
By Judith Flowerday